I Was Hoping To Need a New Sofa

Last night my extremely pregnant niece spent the night. For lack of a spare bed, we put her on the couch. The couch is older than the hills. If you dig deep enough, you may find dinosaur bones in there. My folks happened across the living room suite in a shop in Yellowknife, NT in 1976, bought it and put it into storage until we had completed building our house on the corner of Woolgar and Byrne Road. Back then it had cost over $1,800.00, but my mom had desperately wanted it and, even today, it is a well built piece of furniture. Over sized and over stuffed, the upholstery is luxurious crushed velvet. As kids we were not allowed to even glance at it, let alone sit on it. And heaven help the dog if he dared to walk past it.

Over the years, and after leaving the arctic for warmer climes, my mother relaxed her vigil and the suite is now used as our everyday furniture. It shows too. I replaced the foam cushions a few years ago and had to sew new covers for the seats. Unfortunately the material doesn't match and poor Mom was so aghast that she went out and bought those evil slip cover things. Those don't match either, so our living room suite is a hodgepodge of like colours.

Despite its age, it is still the most comfortable couch to sleep on. We call it the "Man Eater" it basically swallows you whole, much the way a Python might, as you sleep. Upon awakening you have to climb out of the back of the couch and scale the cushions to escape. Both my sister and I enjoyed many a night on it whilst pregnant with our children. Now, one of those children is expecting her own bundle of joy. It's almost a right of passage to be the size of a duplex, about to pop that puppy out, and sleep on the Man Eater. If you can get out without going into labour, you got it made.

We put a thick towel under the sheet, just to be safe.

My twelve year old daughter was horrified that her cousin's water would break (I explained that it was like losing control of one's bladder) and ruin the couch. To be honest, I was a bit queered out at the thought as well.

I was kind of hoping it would happen. I saw a really nice chaise - sofa on special and realized it was made just for my living room, specifically for that corner. I think I'm the only one who actually prayed for her water to break.

I don't think the dogs care either way.